Take Me Back To When I Was Young

Quite recently, I was on a search mission to find and recover one of my old story books. I had loved it, and I just had to give it to my younger brother to read.

    But imagine my horror when I couldn’t find it. I braved the dusty, cramped spaces of the storage room in my gran’s place. And I came out with only a nasty allergic reaction. I searched around my home too. I just couldn’t find that damn book. It had been a long time since I read it. And since my brother is 7 years younger, he’s only been showing the interest to read recently (welcome my little padawan).

    So I ask my mom to help me search and she tells me to look into a bag of books she had packed to give away. And what do I find in there? Not the book I’m searching for. Obviously. Thank you Murphy’s Law. What I do find is one of my bedtime books for six year olds. So, that’s a long time back (a decade!!).

    And as soon as I see it, I kid you not, a wave of feelings hit me. Like I could actually feel myself sitting in a dark room, with only the glow of an orange lamp beside me, reading that book. I could smell something musty and I could vividly recall how it felt to be lying on my bed reading that specific book. Since then, I’ve moved to a new house. But I could still remember how it felt to be in my old bedroom, near the window, as I felt so deliciously, satisfyingly comfortable. 

    This was so unexpected. Till now, I’ve never felt such a sensation of nostalgia. Now I’m starting to wonder if it’s because I’m getting really old (probably yes, tbh). But is it that bad after all? I wonder.

    So many times have I said that I would love to live my life from the start again. I’ve made quite a lot of mistakes. A lot of things I wish I could do-over. But is it time I realise that those mistakes also played a role in shaping me? That those experiences are the reason why I wouldn’t ever repeat the same things in the future. Yes. Maybe this is proof that I’m growing up. And maybe it isn’t all bad. Maybe…

Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out…

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young
How come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from
I’d make a candle out of it if I ever found it
Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I’d probably only sell one
It’d be to my brother, ’cause we have the same nose
Same clothes homegrown a stone’s throw from a creek we used to roam
But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered
Out of student loans and tree-house homes we all would take the latter…

We used to play pretend, give each other different names
We would build a rocket ship and then we’d fly it far away
Used to dream of outer space but now they’re laughing at our face
Saying, “Wake up, you need to make money”…

— “Stressed Out”, Twenty One Pilots.